Yesterday a child died! Actually , horrifically 7 died!

But one that I loved and cherished died! One that I’ve played dinosaurs with, one that I’ve ate lunch with! His name is Coulter – he is undoubtedly the essence of what bravery is meant to mean.

4 years ago he was given a month to live – his parents told to take him home to die! Now having spent time with his parents I know that was never an option for them! They looked, searched did everything they could to find an option for their boy! They did! It was CKc ‘s first trial they helped fund! I will never forget leaving Florida driving to Georgia and handing over $100,000 – it was at the time every single penny our foundation had and our team didn’t care – there will always be MORE money – there will never be another Coulter! Never! Yesterday my friend died! Coulter died! So young!

I was sobbing in the bathroom to my mentor there may have been cussing involved so I had the door locked so the boys couldn’t hear me. I got out of the bathroom and they had spilled liquid all over the living room and my notebook. It’s fair to say my reaction was poor! Unjustified and not kind! The reality is I refuse to say I will never get close to another child fighting or this is too hard I can’t! I will never ever stop this work! Ever! But I must heal wounds – that means admitting that guys it rips my guts out! It feels like they get ripped out – a million people stomped on them and then they are given back to me! I want to be better so I can do more! But wounds need time to heal. So we can do better!

We all have wounds! Heal them so you don’t hurt others! I’m not sure I’m entirely healed from my own son’s cancer but darn it I’m motivated by the need to do better ! Talk to someone! Journal! Admit it hurts – it doesn’t make you weak (despite what you were told growing up). See a counselor! We all have pain! Heal it! It’s the only way! Today I try to do better for Coulter! For my boys! And for my marriage! I love you, Coulter! I will never give up – you taught me that!

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